When Love Fails
by Jule Kyler
Summary: Harry is simply having the hardest time of his life after he lets a little to much slip when yelling at Sirius. SB/HP Smut, abuse, self harm, in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer:**

**Jule: I do not own Harry Potter, even though I'm pretty sure J.K Rowling hacked into my dreams and took the idea.**

**Harry: Oh come off it Jules, we both know Jo is my rightful owner, clean and clear.**

**Jule: *Rolls eyes* Do you really want my plot bunny to make your life a living hell.**

**Harry: Aren't you doing that already?**

**Jule: Well... yeah but...**

**Harry: But whatever, can we start now?**

**Jule: Yeah... I suppose so. *kicks the dirt sadly***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

It shouldn't have ended this way. Love wasn't suppose to push you off the edge. Was it? Isn't love aimed to save you from it? Pull you back just in time? Protect you from all the failure of the world around? Sweet Merlin, how did I ever let it get this bad.

Thinking about it now, I know that I have no one to blame but my self. A part of me, the smart side, my rational mind, had warned me against my feelings. Told me that some things in life were better left unsaid, untouched, untested, because no good could ever come from it. But then... then there was my heart. What a treacherous thing. Constantly whispering in my ear words of encouragement. Elbowing me towards something that promised to be the greatest thing in the world.

Oh, how I wish I had just put a stop to those thoughts as quickly as they had come. I know now that if I had, I wouldn't be were I am now. Feeling the amount of pain that is currently running rampant throughout my body.

Staring off into the dark clouded night with no hope in the world to pull me back, I think back to the moment which had started it all...

* * *

><p>"Hey little punk!" greeted Sirius as he entered the kitchen.<p>

We were both staying in his anserterial home, thanks mostly to the Dursley having to go on a full summer vacation without me. Though I suppose at least something good had come out of it for once, seeing as Dumbledore hadn't wanted me unsupervised, and well... Sirius I guess just wanted me around.

"H-hey Siri." I responded with a slight blush as I looked away from him. I don't know why, but for one reason or another I could never seem to get used to seeing him walking around in just his pj bottoms. There was just something simply over whelming about the way they hung so low on his hips. Let us not mention the chest that showcased its self, well toned, sprinkled with the lightest bit of hair, and a happy trail that led to something I was pretty sure I would never survive seeing.

Thoughts.

Fantasies.

Things I should not be thinking about when concerning my godfather, but I just couldn't push the images of myself running my fingers lightly over said chest, pinching a nipple with one hand while the other takes a strong lead to lower, better things. They road through my mind like a cursed broom and I couldn't have bothered to snap out of it till Sirius flicked my ear.

"You alright there kiddo? You look pretty spaced out?" he teased as he ruffled my hair before grabbing a seat across from me.

Kreacher was quicker in getting him his coffee, toast, eggs, bacon, and pancakes, than he had about getting me my glass of OJ and cereal. Just another reminder that he was still not happy about my staying there.

"Yeah, sorry bout that, just trying to think up something to do for the day." I stated in a voice that sounded more like myself. Yay me!

"You don't say?"

"I do."

"Invited?"

"Perhaps..."

"Town?"

"Later."

"First?"

"Flying."

"River?"

"Course."

"In?"

"Fine."

A month.

That's how long it took before we started these one word answer conversations. At first it had seemed funny to me, almost like a game. Now, it was just something else we shared. Because even though it drove my mind and body way over the top at times, Sirius and I were always together. Flying in the mornings, reading before lunch, pranks during or after lunch, followed closely by a quick duel (mostly tickle charms), serious study time (if you can call Sirius making jokes galore over one very batty Professor studying), dinner, chess... blah, blah, blah, you get the picture. It wasn't always in that order, and sometimes we ventured out and did something new, but we both seemed to like our routine.

"Ready?" he asked as he chugged the last of his coffee, while patting his tummy.

I couldn't help but grin at the sight. Can you say cute?

"Yeah, I'll wait down here for you." I chuckled out as I moved to gather all the dishes and put them in the sink, just out of habit. I didn't dare wash them for fear of what Kreacher might do.

"Whatever for my dearest cub?"

"You need to get dressed...?"

"Says who?"

"Ummmmm... aren't we going flying?" I asked as I leaned against the counter with my arms crossed in front of me. He of course was still sitting at the table staring at the ceiling.

How much had Kreacher feed him?

"Your not going back to bed are you?" I asked with a grin, because if you know Siri, you know that he tends to go into a coma like state when over fed.

"What? No, I can go flying like this you know. Its not like I have anyone to impress."

Did I just roll my eyes?

Yeah, I think I did. Who the hell was Siri kidding? The man could walk around dressed in hobo clothes and people would still be chasing his ass. Ohhhh his ass. What would it take for me to be able to grab hold of that scrumptious peace of flesh and squeeze to my hearts content?

Probably would have slapped myself in the face for that thought, but Sirius was looking at me now, waiting for something. Had he asked something?

"Okay." I said because I didn't think I could go wrong with that answer.

"Well come on then, last one to the river has too..."

I didn't let him finish. I was already out the door and heading to the shed that contained our brooms. I was not going to fall into another one of his little traps.

Not that it would have mattered.

Seeing his broom zoom out of the shed, reminded me why it was that I had lost this particular race all summer. How hard was it to remember a simple summing charm. I mean, I am of age and what not.

So you can only imagine how far behind I was by the time I finally did get a hold of my broom. Then again that doesn't mean that I didn't put up one hell of a fight to beat him.

Hmmm... thinking about it now, the only reason I lost this race might have had something to do with the fact that I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of Sirius.

Perfection.

It's the only word I could think. He was just perfect with his chest pressed smoothly against the handle of his own firebolt, arms stretched before him, flexed in such a way that made his muscles pop. Let us not forget the glow of his tanned skin in the morning sun.

So enthralled with said sight I was, that I hadn't even noticed the tree branch in front of me till it was to late.

Honestly, even though I hit nearly every branch on the way down, I was more concerned with my broom, which continued on without me for a while longer before falling down to the forest floor as well.

Which compared to the branches, was lucky.

Can someone say stupid?

Cause that's pretty much how I felt while I groaned on the floor.

Even worse, was the look I got from Sirius when he finally realized I wasn't behind him.

"Sooooo... did you actually have a reason for smacking every branch on your way down?" he asked with a hint of humor as he looked me over.

"Just wanted to see how many I could hit before hitting the bottom, I'm pretty sure that's a record."

"One even I would never want to break." he laughed when he realized I was fine. A bit scraped up, but nothing to worry about.

"Whatever." I laughed nervously. He had been closer than close as he looked me over and I don't think I would have been able to hide my body's reaction in time if he hadn't stepped back and gone to fetch my broom.

Flipping teenage hormones going nuts over nothing!

No.

Not nothing.

Sirius.

By the time we made it to the river I was in dire need of it.

Have you any idea how not comfy it is to ride a broom when you have a ... well you know where I was going with it?

So ditching my broom I ran to the river and jumped in, clothes, shoes and all.

I could feel eyes on me, but for once I couldn't be bothered. My little problem was being solved with the help of the cool water, and I couldn't have been more grateful.

Well that was of course till something, well someone, began pulling me under the water.

Siri of course, playing his little games.

"Argh, seriously Sirius, I just want to have a relaxing swim. Can't you back off for a bit?" I pleaded as I fought to catch my breath.

"Don't be such a ponce." he laughed as he splashed water in my face.

There it was again.

Ponce, an offensive term for an effeminate or gay man.

I don't think Siri kept tract of how many times a day he used that word, but I did. And he used it a lot. Which only helped to confirm my suspicions that he had something against gays.

Shaking my head I slowly made my way out of the water with him calling my name.

I know, I really shouldn't have been bothered. He was just joking around, right?

Right?

Sitting down by the edge of the river I let my thoughts wonder for a bit, while I worked on calming my breathing.

Calming it down before it became a panic attack, because I knew that fear was trying to get the best of me. The fear that if Sirius ever found out that I was gay, a ponce, he would no longer love me, or want me as a godson.

Which was something I could never live with. Sirius was all that I had left in the world. One of my last links to my parents and losing him would be like losing a rather large part of myself.

"Harry, kid, what the hell?" asked Sirius.

I didn't look up at him. I couldn't. Not when I wasn't sure what my face would give away.

"Harry, mate, you're scaring me..."

I snapped there.

It just happened so fast. Fear quickly morphed to anger, then rage in a matter of seconds.

Scaring him. I was scaring him? Scaring him how? Had my reaction to his slur given me away? Was that all it took to confirm who I was? What I was?

"What the hell do you have against gays. huh?" I yelled at him as I jumped up to my feet and pushed him away. For a split second my thoughts focused on how soft his flesh had felt under my hands, but my anger was quick to cover that up.

"Scared that they might attack you in the streets or something? Rape you?" I knew I was on a rampage. One that could very well get me kicked out, but I couldn't stop now. So ignoring his completely shocked face I continued.

"You might be good looking Sirius Orien Black, but even gays like me have standards. Standards that homophobes like you could never reach! So fuck you!" I yelled before actually wandlessly, wordlessly summing my broom and taking to the air faster than I have ever done.

I didn't know where I was going. I just knew that I needed to get away from Sirius. Away from his blank face that gave nothing away. The very look he wore whenever someone mentioned anything concerning Azkaban or Voldemort for that matter.

I could never go back now. Not after Sirius had proven my fears right.

Could I?

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Notes<strong>: Hope you enjoyed this little chappy. I must admit that this is my first fanfic ever and I am a little worried on how people are going to take it. English is not my first language so don't judge me to harshly. :)

Reviews are always welcomed, as well as is advice.

Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer**: We all know that I don't own Harry or Sirius or anyone from Harry Potter.

**Jule: So how are we feeling about this chapter boys?**

**Harry: To be honest I don't think I will know how I feel till the next chapter.**

**Sirius: Don't know what he's going on about but, I rather enjoyed it. *cute grin***

**Harry: You are such a ponce Sirius.**

**Sirius: Ohhhh, now who's the one throwing around slurs.**

**Harry: Oh just shut it will you, this chapter happened to take a rather large toll on me, encase you hadn't noticed.**

**Sirius: You really shouldn't be the one to talk about noticing things, pup. *raises chin up proudly***

**Harry: Why you little...*try's to get to Sirius***

**Jule: *holds Harry back* Cut it out boys, how about we just let everyone get to the chapter.**

**Sirius: Yes, yes, on with the show ladies and gents. *charming voice***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

How many of you are into romance movies, books, ect?

And how many of you have stormed away from your lover or crush angry as hell?

Now how many of you, even in your angered state, hoped in the very back of your mind that they would chase after you and some how make everything better?

Now how many of you have actually had this happen to you?

.

.

.

Yeah, well that is not what happened to me.

I continued to fly for the remainder of the day, resting only long enough to cry my heart out, before sneaking into my room through my window and putting up the strongest security charms I could think of around my room. I didn't do it so that Sirius couldn't get in, even if he actually wanted to, but because I couldn't trust myself with not heading over to him and making an even bigger fool of myself.

Not that I even knew what I would say if I saw him.

Actually during that entire night all I could do was cry. Pathetic really, but what else could I do.

It wasn't till morning that I realized that I was going to have to pull myself together long enough to face Sirius, even if it was long enough for him to tell me that he was not going to allow a ponce to reside in his home.

So after performing a cleaning spell on my person and dressing in a pair of jeans, a t shirt, and converse, I raised my chin up and walked out of my room.

It was still pretty early in the morning so I figured I could at least have my so called "Last Meal" before things got complicated again.

Kreacher was his typical self in serving my cereal and juice, but was kind enough to add some really burnt toast and sickly looking jam.

Could have been trying to poison me with that last one, but I stud clear of it so I couldn't really tell you if it was or not.

When the clock struck 9:00, my chest tightened and my hands began to shake, because not a minute after 9, did Sirius enter the kitchen dressed in a new pair of pj pants and an added shirt.

"Hey little punk!" he greeted just like he did every morning with a stretch of his toned arms, before taking his seat at the table.

For a moment I just stared at him, trying to gauge if he was being sarcastic or honest.

"Um... morning." I said quietly after a minute, as Kreacher laid out a breakfast worthy of a king, yet again.

Moments like that really made me wish Dobby was here instead of Hogwarts.

"So... what are the plans for today?" he asked as he raised his cup of tea to his lips and took a sip.

Can anyone say weird?

I mean I never for a minute thought that Sirius was capable of playing the denial card, in order to pretend that yesterday hadn't happened. It just wasn't him.

Well unless he was actually trying to ask me of plans to deal with the situation , as in whether or not I had a place to go to?

That had to be it.

"Well...umm... I guess I could call Dumbledore." I said softly as I pushed my soggy cereal around. Call me chicken but I couldn't face looking at him as I spoke. "I'm pretty sure he would rather I stay at Hogwarts than the Weaslys."

"What are you talking about?"

"Me finding a new place to stay."

"Well whats wrong with staying here?" his voice sounding a little to confused for my liking.

"Did Kreacher say something again?" he continued, though there was more annoyance in his voice this time.

"No, he didn't." I said with a shake of my head as I dropped my spoon and finally looked up at him.

This time he really did look confused, and for some reason there was just the slightest spark of anger inside of me.

"Then why don't you want to stay here anymore? You sick of me already?" he joked with a smile.

"Wow... are you serious?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Something I again picked up from him.

"Last time I checked that was the name my mother gave me..." he said with a grin, before scooping up some eggs and eating.

I couldn't help but laugh at that as well, not that it lasted long. So taking a deep breath I continued.

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?"

"You mean that little spaz attack you had?" he laughed as he continued eating. "Yeah, I remember. Remus would have laughed his ass off, but you clearly don't know gays if you think that I am below their standards."

I watched him.

He finished talking, continued eating, and all I could do was stare at him.

What the hell just happened?

"D-did you happen to catch the part about me being gay?"

"Yeah, but just because you're family, doesn't mean that I don't fall into every gay mans "dream guy" category. Just ask Remus, he hates admitting it, but its the truth."

"Remus is gay?"

"You didn't notice?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Didn't I notice?

Clearly not.

Clearly I was blind to everything that was right in front of me.

"So Remus is gay. He is gay and you use the term ponce a lot because you are used to picking on him. I'm gay, and you believe that every gay man wants you, or should want you. You're not kicking me out and I had a spaz attack yesterday."

"Harry?"

"Remus is gay. I'm gay. Gay men want you, and I cried my eyes out yesterday. I cried from fear that you would hate me for being gay."

"Harry?"

"But, Remus is gay and you are friends. So you don't hate gays because they all want you. I'm gay, but you don't hate me because Remus is gay and he is your friend. So I cried for nothing. I was afraid for nothing, because you are okay with gays..."

"Harry! Stop or you are going to hyperventilate." shouted Sirius as he shook me.

I don't know when he had gotten up from his seat and over to me. But there he was, looking me straight in the eyes with a deep look up concern as he dried away some of my tears with his thumbs.

Wait, when had I started to cry? Or shaking for that matter?

Fucking I really had been freaking out.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I choked out as I stared at Sirius with pleading eyes.

"Emotional over load I would guess..." he tried to tease with a smile.

"Is this normal?"

"It was for your mother."

I laughed lightly at that, but that didn't change how stupid I felt.

Poor Sirius most have thought me off my rocker.

"I'm sorry I let you rush off like that without telling you that everything was okay. I was a tad bit shocked at your bluntness and slightly insulted by your "you are below the standards" comment," he smiled at the part. " that I just stud there like an idiot. Plus I would have gone after you, but figured you would need time to cool off. And before you ask, I was going to talk to you when you got back, but you kinda locked me out before I could. Nice charms by the way." he finished with a laugh.

I laughed too for a minute before focusing back on the matter at hand.

"So you really are okay with this, with me?" I asked.

"Duh, I mean I still haven't forgiven you for that comment about me, but I don't hate you or think any less of you. I love you Harry and that's never going to change. Have a little faith would yeah." he laughed as he messed with my hair playfully. "Besides it would be pretty hypocritical of me if I did hate you for being gay."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Your gaydar must be truly broken or really under developed, Harry, if you didn't noticed that I myself am gay."

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note<strong>: Sorry for the delay but with the holidays and all that, things got a little busy over here. Anyways I know this chapter was short, but I promise that the next one wont just be longer, but there will also be some action *wink,wink...evil grin* between our loving boys.

Reviews are always welcomed, as well as advice.

Thanks!

_**P.S.**_ If anyone has an idea or request as to how said "action" should take place let me know.

_**P.P.S.**_ This story isn't going to rush right into sex so no worries, there is a plot after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer**: You Know the drill. I don't own anything other than the plot bunny leading this story.

**Jule: So my lovely boys how are we handling this chapter.**

**Harry: Some are doing better than others?**

**Sirius: *hiding in his room***

**Jule: *confused look* What are you talking about Harry?**

**Harry: Really Jules? You have no idea what so ever why Sirius might be hiding from all of us?**

**Jule: *bites lip* Maybe we should just move straight to the new chap.**

**Harry: *Glares at Jule* Right.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

After Sirius's shocking announcement, I was completely bombarded with fantasies and hope. Hope that even though I was his godson, and he my godfather, he would give us a chance to be more than that.

Crazy idea, I know.

But one none the less.

Weeks passed rather quickly after that day. If we had been close before, now we were practically clinging to one another. Well, maybe I was the one clinging, but you get my drift.

Though we did a lot of the same things, we also ventured into things I probably wouldn't have done without his encouragement or help. Not all of which ended well.

**First, came the awkward talk.**

I had been sitting in library actually trying to catch up on my summers potions homework, when he walked in with this grin and glint in his eyes, that sent shivers through out my entire body and not in a good way.

"Well hello there my little pupper doodle." he said as he took the seat right next to me.

The new pet name was shocking and alarming all on its own, but the voice in which he spoke reminded me a little too much of Draco Malfoy when he was trying to get a rise out of me. If that even makes any sense?

"Ummmm... Hi Sirius, is there something I can do for you?" I asked casually.

"Besides hearing me out for a bit no, not really."

"Okay? So whats up?" I asked as I closed my books and turned to face him. I wasn't really sure if I liked were this was heading, but out of respect and a slight bit of curiosity, I was going to give him my full attention.

"Well, let me just start by saying that Remus and I had a rather large tiff over who was going to be the one to talk to you, but you know how persuasive I can be when I want something." he said while wiggling his eyebrows.

A slight tinge of jealously ran through me as multiple thoughts of Sirius being "persuasive", in a not so innocent way, passed through my mind, but I just as quickly pushed it away.

"Alright, you won, so whats this big talk you want to have all about?"

Another grin, accompanied by a slight chuckle escaped his lips and for that split second I wished I could run away.

"Well you see Harry, there comes a time in every young wizards life in which his father, or in your case, godfather, takes their son and sits them down to have a certain, yet very important talk..." he paused for a moment then and thought for a bit before smiling yet again.

"Actually come to think about it, even if your father had been alive I am pretty sure I can say that he would have had me give you this particular talk, seeing as his point of view wouldn't really be much help to you."

And that my dear friends is when it all clicked into place. It really shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out what he had been trying to get at. What had put such a joyous yet slightly evil grin on his gorgeous face.

A sex talk.

But not just any sex talk, no, never that.

A gay sex talk, involving everything from light petting to Rimming! To say I was mortified would be an understatement, and when I tell you that I ran as fast as I could away from him, the moment he allowed me too, because he had put a rather strong locking charm on the door, I mean, I bolted like my life depended it.

I heard him laughing as I ran up the stairs to my room and locked the door with every charm I could think of. Partly to keep him from entering and continuing said talk, but more to keep him from walking in and seeing me wanking off.

I don't know why we teens get hard and excited over the simplest of things, but something about hearing Sirius's voice going into explicit details about sexual actions had brought me to a new level of boner-ism, or what Sirius had described and labeled, blue balls.

**Second, came the offending but understandable insult.**

"Hey, mini-wish-you-were-me, got a sec to talk?"

I almost jumped out of my spot and into the river I had been perched on the edge off. Though I some how managed to hold my ground.

"It's not the sex talk again is it, cause I think the one we had a week ago was enough for any one person?" I asked with a hint of panic.

"Nope, I was actually going to offer up my services."

Now, I would be lying out of my ass if I didn't take this time to admit that when he said that, a lot of dirty thoughts flashed through my mind, mostly ones of him forcing me down to my knees in front of his very long and hard appendage, to which I joyously usher into my waiting mouth. But, I'm pretty sure you would be proud at how quickly I drew them back in and focused on the conversation at hand.

"What are you talking about Sirius?"

"Shopping duh! No gay man in their right mind would dress the way you do and think they could get a man."

Shamefully I blushed and wished I had a snarky remark to throw back at him, but I had nothing.

"What did you have in mind?"

Eight hours of unrelenting shopping answered my question, as well as explained the in longed pet name. My entire wardrobe had been replaced, and when I say everything, I mean everything, boxers and all.

I have to admit that Sirius had amazing taste in clothes and even though my look was semi similar to his, it was more me than anything. I finally had clothes that fit me, as well as clothes that expressed who I was as a person. Serious, playful, laid back, dark (in a good way), sexy even?

Aside from the shopping had been the attempt to style my hair, which of course failed epicly, and the repair of my eye sight, which I am actually pleased with. No more having to repair my glasses, wooohooo!

**Third... well... this was...well it was what it was.**

A week from my 16th birthday, I found myself sitting on the werewolf hide rug that lay in front of the living room fire place with a rather quiet Sirius right beside me, sipping on my third glass of fire whiskey. He on his fourth,

To be quite honest, drinking had never been my thing, not that I was even legally allowed, but Sirius had asked me to join him and I could never say no to him.

Perhaps it was my more than slightly intoxicated mind or perhaps just plain stupidity that allowed me to ask such a rash question, but it happened.

"Sirius, how old were you when you had your first kiss?"

For a split second I thought that Merlin had spared me, and Sirius hadn't heard me, but it had only been for a second.

"Well, I guess when my mom gave birth to me." he laughed, giving me a rather playful look.

"You know what I meant." I sighed as I took yet another sip, this time in hopes of calming my nerves.

"Right, well I suppose I was 12, in the boys lavatory." he said with a smile as he stared off into space lost in a memory, that I was beyond jealous of.

"Who was the boy." I asked, though I don't think I really wanted to know.

"A man never kisses and tell, Harry it's rude." I pouted at that and he continued. "Merlin fine, if you most know it was Lucius Malfoy."

If I hadn't been jealous before, I was now, and not only that, but I was hurt and mad, all at the same time. I know, I know, I had asked and got my answer, but feelings are feelings for a reason you know.

"Umm... w-well... ummm... did you like it?" Strange question to ask, Sirius's next look confirmed that, but he didn't poke fun at me. Well at least not right away.

"Yes, Harry, I more than enjoyed it. Even if it was with the worlds biggest prick, I could never lie and say that the man, even at that age, didn't have talent to accompany such smashingly good looks."

"Oh." Not really what I had been looking to hear, but it was the truth, and that's all you could ever get from Sirius.

"What about you Harry, who was your first kiss."

I chugged the remainder of my whiskey and stared at the now empty bottle longingly, as it burned down my throat. I should have known that the questions would soon be aimed at me, but I had foolishly believe they wouldn't.

"Well, pup?"

"I-I've never... ahhh... I've never kissed anyone." I admitted sadly. " I wouldn't even know how to even if I did feel the urge to kiss someone." I continued in a much quieter voice, but he still heard me.

I half expected him to point and laugh, but surprisingly he just took a long swig of his whiskey and stared off into the fire before speaking.

"Well it's not something you can learn with a lecture or guide. Don't get me wrong, those things can be helpful in giving you an idea towards what to do, but until you actually do it, you wont learn. Pre-warning, practice makes perfection."

"Could you teach me?"

Suicide had never crossed my mind before. Being killed by Voldy, sure. But dying by my own hands, never. Well at least not until that damn question some how escaped my lips.

"Oh god, Sirius, I'm sorry I didn't mean that. I..." I started to rant only to have Sirius smack the back of my head rather hard.

"Chill out pup, don't need you to have another spaz attack now do we?"

"N-no." was my simple reply as I glued my eyes to the rug beneath me.

"Good. Now..." he began while stroking his chin. "The concept behind kissing is rather simple. Two people placing their lips together. There is the simple peck, which is usually shared as a passer by kiss. For example, a couple who are heading off to work and are in a rush will lean into one another and place their lips together for little less than a second. Shall I demonstrate?"

Panic ran through my veins like liquid fire as I stared at Sirius with disbelieving eyes. Could it be so simple? Could all my fantasies about feeling Sirius lips against my very own, come down to something as simple as a demonstration to benefit me in my courting of what Sirius thought to be, my future suitors?

"Y-yes." I said with a shaky yet determined tone.

"Alright then, when I lean in pucker your lips like this..." he puckered his own lips and I did as well to show that I was paying attention. "Ready?"

With my eyes locked on his I nodded my head and puckered my lips just as he had shown me when he finally leaned in. It was really quick, just as he had said, but that's all it pretty much took to make me hard.

All that time spent imagining, and now I knew that his lips really were as soft and plump as I thought them to be.

"Very good," he said with a smile, snapping me out of my little private heaven. "Now, a level up from that is a chaste kiss. Its similar to the peck because the lips are still closed, but its longer and there is more pressure to it, even a little movement. This kind of kiss you use when in a crowded room with lots of eyes. Ready to give it a go?"

We were going to do it again. God it was just that simple peck and it took everything in me, not to jump his bones. How the hell was I suppose to survive another, yet alone more advance versions of a kiss, because if he kept up with his tutelage, he was going to demonstrate every version.

God help me, but I wasn't going to stop him.

Even if it killed me, I was going to take every kiss this god had to offer me, because I was sure it was my one and only chance to do so.

"Ready."

I kept my eyes open focused on his chocolate brown ones, not wanting to miss a thing. My breath hitched this time around as he leaned in and I almost forgot to pucker my lips as his connected to mine. There was more pressure this time, and a slight moment that sent tingles throughout my entire body. It last about a minute, and dear god was it the best minute of my life.

When he finally did pull away and began talking about the next kiss, I took the chance to rearrange myself so that my hard on was out of view, as well as get my breathing under control.

"The open mouth kiss, it just that. You start with the chaste kiss, then as you start moving your lips you open your mouth and work it against your partner, usually taking there bottom lip into yours. Seeing as this one is closer to a passionate kiss, and usually shared in a more private setting, you can or should slide one hand to cup the back off your partners head for added support. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Ready?"

"Ready."

He moved closer then and as he slid his hand up the back of my neck and into my hair just at the base of it, he encouraged me to do the same. And I did. Ever so gently did I caress the back of his neck with my fingers tips before sliding them into the soft silky hair at the base of his neck. It was much softer that I thought and as I focused on that little wonderful aspect, I missed Sirius lean in until I felt him pull me towards him, and are lips connected yet again.

It was chaste for a minute longer on my part till I felt Sirius's lips working on mine, trying to pull my bottom lip into his. I tried to keep my eyes open, wanting to capture the moment forever but for some reason I couldn't. The feeling was strange yet amazing, and it only got better as I opened my mouth and copied his movements. For a moment there was a heated battle over who's bottom lip belonged in who's mouth, until Sirius bit mine lightly and sucked it into his.

I moaned then. A sound like none I had ever heard, even when wanking in my private quarters. But the minute I did, my eyes popped open and I pulled away covering my mouth, blushing a red that would put the Weasleys to shame.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry I have no idea where that came from."

"Relax, punk, it's perfectly natural." He laughed. "I mean I kinda didn't really prepare you for that little added bonus. Honestly I think I would be more insulted if you hadn't reacted the way you did." He teased.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You didn't make a single noise, so am I to believe that I suck at this more than I thought I would?"

He laughed again, and though normally I loved his laugh, right at that moment I wished he would just stop.

"You don't suck little pup, I just have better control of my reactions than you do." he said with a wink.

I couldn't really tell you what was behind that wink. But I can say that I actually hoped it was more than a friendly one.

"Now last, but not least, is the french kiss. Again it is a level up from the open mouthed kiss, and is normally shared in empty closets, darkened corners, abandoned towers, and of course ones own private quarters. Has all the same movements as the open mouthed, only now you are adding tongue. With us boys, its like a power struggle at first to see who's the top and who's the bottom, as you will soon learn. But either way it is happily enjoyed by all. I could give you details upon details on what to do, but this one you really just have to do it. So you ready?"

By that point words evaded me and I simply nodded.

So we positioned ourselves like before, my hand buried in his hair, and his in mine. I was very aware of when he leaned in this time, and moved in with little help from his hand. When are lips met we held the chaste kiss for all of second before I felt his tongue pop out and lick my bottom lip. My eyes fluttered closed then and if I had felt tingles before, right now I was feeling lightening shot through are connected lips. Opening my mouth for him, I expected to simply share an open mouthed kiss for a bit, before moving up the level. Instead, Sirius tongue jabbed passed my lips and into my mouth where it searched out my own tongue and drew it into his.

It took a minute for me to get the idea of things. I blame the fact that I was officially brain dead, but once I understood what to do, I was right there with Sirius, fighting for dominance. Even though I knew he would win.

And win he did. Tightening his hold on the back of my head, just on this side of pain, (which I more than enjoyed), he pulled me tighter against his body, and doubled his efforts.

Moan after moan escaped my lips, as my tongue relished in the taste of Sirius, which was a mixture of vanilla and apple spice. My body was on fire, and though I was clearly hard and every part of me wanted nothing more than to press its self against his and show him just what his kisses were doing to me, I kept my body away from Sirius, because I was pretty sure even with all that was happening, he would not have appreciated it.

After a few minutes of said heated kiss, Sirius finally pulled away with an awkward cough and a small smile.

"W-Well there you have it punk. You are now ready to face all those horny boys awaiting you back at school, because you my young pup, are a natural."

He said nothing else as he rose from the floor and left the living room.

And I said nothing as I watched him go.

Because even though he had willing decided to show me the in's and out's of kissing. I was pretty sure he now, at this moment, very much regretted his actions.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Happy New Years to you all! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as my gift to you. Please keep in mind that this is my first story and I have never written anything like this before. With that in mind if you would like something changed let me know, I haven't really gotten to many reviews so I don't know if this story lands in the good or bad categories. *worried look*

Reviews are always welcomed, as well as advice.

Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer**: You all know the drill. Ownership of nothing more than my plot bunny!

**Jule: *looks at Harry sadly* Harry, are you sure you wanna do this?**

**Harry: Very.**

**Sirius: *tries to reach out for Harry* Harry...**

**Harry: *moves away not looking at him Sirius and glares at Jules* Can we just move this damn chapter along, I have somewhere to be.**

**Jule: *nods slowly* Yeah sure.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

_After a few minutes of said heated kiss, Sirius finally pulled away with an awkward cough and a small smile._

_"W-Well there you have it punk. You are now ready to face all those horny boys awaiting you back at school, because you my young pup, are a natural."_

_He said nothing else as he rose from the floor and left the living room._

_And I said nothing as I watched him go._

_Because even though he had willing decided to show me the in's and out's of kissing. He now, at this moment, very much regretted his actions._

_Yet..._

_"Sirius, wait!" I called out after him as I ran into the hallway. _

_He was stopped just a few feet away from me, waiting._

_Looking into his eyes, I tried to find some sign that he was upset or ashamed over what had just happened, but I saw nothing. He had his blank mask on, and nothing was slipping through._

_I wanted to cry in that moment, because I wanted him to show me his feelings. Whether they be good or bad, I wanted him to trust me enough to let me in._

_"Yes, Harry?" he ask. Merlin, even his voice was bare of all emotions._

_Taking a deep breath, I took the last couple of steps, placing me right in front on him._

_"Siri, I don't know how to tell you this. Perhaps the fact that it would be considered wrong in everyone's eyes, has kept me in my place. But... But I don't want to hide it anymore." I said lightly. "I can't hide it anymore."_

_My eyes still locked with his, caught the slightest glimpse of confusion then understanding, before it was all pulled away. Leaving me feeling cold and alone, yet again._

_"Harry..."_

_"Let me do this Sirius, PLEASE!" I begged as I grabbed his hands in mine._

_"No, Harry. It's not right." he said as he pulled his hands away from mine as if burned by my touch._

_"Sirius, let me just explain..."_

_"There is nothing to explain. I was just helping you out Harry. You know, so that you wouldn't make a fool of yourself the first time around." He tried to joke._

_"Sirius," I chocked out as tears began to fall freely. "I-I love you!" I finally said, my eyes still locked with his in hope of finding something, anything to prove that he might feel the same. But there was nothing._

_"You love me as your godfather, Harry, and I you as my godson. Nothing more." he said as he took a step back._

_"No Siri, I love you as more than that. You have to know that." I pleaded as I reached out for him again._

_"NO!" he growled out. Emotions finally cracked through his blank mask, but they were far from the ones I had wanted to see. _

_Sirius was angry._

_"You are a child Harry! You have no idea what love is. All you are feeling is lust, and even that will soon be transferred to some hormonal teenager once you get back to school! So stop speaking such nonsense!" he yelled._

_"No Sirius, it's not just lust, I love you. I dream of you every night, and think of only you every minute of every day. When I'm not with you I feel such a painful ache in my chest, that I have to find you. I need to be with you always. Cant you see that? I love you Sirius, more than any one person could." _

_I don't know what compelled me to do it, but soundly I through myself at Sirius and pulled him down to kiss just as he had taught me. I think I was trying to go for the french kiss but it never got passed the chaste kiss stage, before he shoved me away from him roughly, and I went smashing back onto the floor with a loud thud._

_I felt my head connect with the floor rather hard, but I really could have cared less at that moment. I was looking at Sirius. And even though I could see the shuck and hurt over him hurting me, the anger towards what I had done, what I had tried to do, came out on top._

_"HAVE YOU GONE MAD, BOY!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, reminding me a little to much of my uncle Vernon. "Never, do that again. Never, do you hear me. Merlins fucking sake! Now go to your room and stay there. I cant stand to even look at you right now."_

_I stared at him for the longest minute, with unbelieving eyes. This wasn't Sirius. Not my loving Sirius who would never do anything to hurt me._

_"GO, NOW!" he yelled again and this time I did go._

_I ran to my room faster full force, and locked it as best as I could before the tears took on a new level. _

_I paced my room back and forth, back and forth, filled with emotions I could not control. I wanted nothing more than to fall to my knees, scream to Merlin for mercy, and fall asleep (if only to clear my mind for a while). But I couldn't._

_God how could I have been so foolish._

_How could I ever have believed that Sirius would somehow return my feelings._

_My body was shaking, mind replaying every bit of what had happened over and over again. I could barely breath though my choked subs. _

_I was pretty sure I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack, but when I ran my hands through my hair angrily causing the slightest bit of pain and came away with blood, I froze._

_I froze and stared._

_Pain._

_Blood._

_I remembered this._

_I knew this._

_Out of all the emotions running through my body at any given moment, pain, physical pain, was the one I understood the best._

_I understood it, because it was easy to spot what had caused it._

_Aside from that I could do something that I couldn't do with all my other emotions and feelings._

_I could control it._

_Running over to my trunk, I quickly rummaged around in it till I found the very thing I knew could help me._

_Professor Snape, would probably die laughing if he knew what I was about to do with my potions knife._

_But I didn't very much care. All I cared about in the moment, was finding a sense of peace even if it didn't last very long._

_Taking a seat on my bed after removing my shirt, I place the knife on my arm and with one smooth, quick motion pulled across my skin from left to right, like I had seen down in one of aunt Petunia's soap oparahs._

_The pain was shard and very much welcomed._

_But it was the sight of the blood which rose and flowed over the cut, that lulled me into a sense of peace._

_**End of Flash Back**_

I didn't leave my room for three days after that night.

Even though Sirius had come knocking on my door the next morning to apologize and talk things through in a less "heated" manner, I chose to ignore him.

I guess you could call me childish, Sirius had, so what was the point of trying to act differently?

I spent a lot of time cutting. Living in a private paradise that I created with each drop of blood that rose from within me.

A paradise which grew whenever I showered under the sprays of hot water in my private bathroom. A feeling which could only be described as a joyous one. Each cut singled out on its own, with every drop of steaming water that entered them.

I also slept a lot those days. Dreamless wonderful sleeps in which I could finally rest.

To be truthfully honest, I don't think I've ever felt so free and content. Well at least not sense the moment in the final battle in which I finally brought an end to Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

Sirius came around every now and again. Begging me to come even if only to eat.

He would always start off in a low sweet tone, only to raise it into a yell when I didn't respond.

I still loved him. That I was sure would never change.

But right now, right now, nothing he said or did would get me out of my self made paradise.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> I really don't know why I'm posting this now. I know I should wait a bit. See if I manage to get some more reviews lol *big smile*. But I've never been good with waiting to post something once its complete. I know it was short, but I hope you all enjoy it.

Reviews are always welcomed, as well as advice.

Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my little plot bunny.

**Jule: Hey Remus, glad you could join us.**

**Remus: Me too, just wished it had been under better circumstances.**

**Sirius: You and me both mate.**

**Harry: I don't know what you two ponces are bitching about, but I rather enjoyed myself in this chapter.**

**Jule: I know you did Harry, but how about we start this chapter before you give something away?**

**Harry: You already did that by announcing Remus arrival. Not very smart are we Jules.**

**Jule: I think I liked you better locked under the staircase.**

**Harry: I would say burn, but that wasn't very original.**

**Remus: How about we just start now...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

On the morning of the fourth day, a soft knock at my door woke me.

At first I thought that Sirius was trying yet another one of his attempts at getting me to come out, but that thought was quickly squashed when another voice called out.

"Harry, pup, it's me Remus. Can I come in?"

I jumped out of my bed in straight panic when I heard him. Not because I knew he would not leave until I came out, but because of his nose.

His very strong smelling nose, that could pick up the scent of blood from a mile away.

Just my fucking luck to.

I should have known that my gorgeous Sirius would call out for help.

'Did that not prove he loved me.' asked the little retarded voice at the back of my head. The very voice that got me into this mess in the first place.

"Ummm... I-I'll be out in a minute Mooney, meet you in the kitchen." I tried as I ran around my room like a chicken with its head cut off, looking for my wand.

For the longest minute I thought he was going to wait me out, but he didn't.

"Okay, but don't take to long, your breakfast will get cold." he called out as I heard him walk away from my door and down the stairs.

Breakfast getting cold?

Considering mine was usually cereal, I figured he was either talking about his own, Sirius's or both.

"Oh dear Merlin, please save me from the disaster that is going to ensue the minute I walk into that damn blasted kitchen." I prayed to myself as I looked under the bed.

Quickly finding my wand I did some quick cleaning spells in both my room and the bathroom, before hiding the knife underneath the mattress, showering and getting dress.

'Stay calm Harry.' I repeated in my head as I unlocked the door and made my way slowly down the stairs. 'You just need to reassure them that everything is alright. So stay calm.'

The light coming from the kitchen burned my eyes as I entered it and took my usual seat, avoiding eye contact all together.

When the hell did Kreacher start serving me pancakes, eggs, bacon, grits, beans, and toast?

Perhaps a three days ago I would have devoured such a grand breakfast. But as it was, it wasn't three days ago.

My stomach was most displeased with the sight of it and it took all of my strength to not throw it at the wall across the kitchen in order to get it out of my face.

So I settled for simply pushing it away and look towards Remus, who was seated to my right.

"Sooo... what brings you by Mooney?" I asked with a forced smile.

I know, I know.

Again pretty childish of my to play the dumb card, but I at the moment I was in a bitchy mood.

I don't normally have them, but when I do... oh does the world pay the price.

"Sirius called me, he's been worried about you." said Remus with a concerned look of his own.

"Did he now?" I asked with a grin, avoiding Sirius purposely.

"Don't be such a prat, Harry." came Sirius voice then, though it sounded more tiered than annoyed.

"I thought I was a child?" I said with a raised eyebrow, this time actually taking a glance at Sirius.

He didn't just sound tiered, he straight looked it.

Another part of my heart broke then, making me want to apologize, but then Remus spoke and that pretty much all went to hell.

"He said that you two had a slight disagreement, and you hadn't come out of your room for three days, not even to eat."

I laughed then, a very humorless laugh.

"Is that so?" I asked.

"Yes, he was even more so concerned, because after you left to your room he spotted blood on the floor were you had fallen."

"Fallen, or shoved towards?" I asked with a cheeky smile, as I leaned back into my chair, arms crossed in front of me my eyes soul focused on Sirius's.

"Why are you acting like this?" asked Sirius, anger finally making an appearance.

"Probably for the same reason you didn't tell Remus the whole truth." I snapped back.

"Who's embarrassment are you trying to protect?"

"Oh, is that it? You think you're saving me the embarrassment?" I laughed out.

"Sirius, Harry, will you two stop. I don't care what the argument was about. I just want to make sure that you weren't seriously wounded." jumped in Remus before Sirius could say anything.

"Oh me? Yeah there was blood, guess I might have cut the back of head in the fall, but it was very munched enjoyed." I teased.

"Harry, cant you be serious for a moment." sighed Remus sadly.

I'm pretty sure later on I would feel like the biggest dick for treated Remus the way I did. But I was hurt and angry, and someone other than me should feel the same.

Shouldn't they.

"I don't know Remus, I don't know if I could pull off his amount of self centeredness." I answered back in the most serious tone I could muster.

"Merlins fuck Harry?" growled out Sirius.

"Would you?" I asked with a grin.

"Harry what has gotten into you?" asked Remus.

"Not Sirus, that's for sure."

"That's enough." Yelled Sirius as he slammed his fit down on the table.

"Do you wanna hit me yet, Siriboo?"

"What?" asked Sirius with a very confused face. "No, what are you talking about?"

"To bad," I pouted. "Let me know when you do." I said before turning back to Remus.

"So Remus, Sirius tells me your gay."

"Ummm... what? When did that come up?" asked Remus, shock clearly written on his face.

"I don't remember, awhile ago, when I too came out."

"You're gay?"

"Do dicks spit out cum after a great long sucking?"

"Harry?" shouted both Sirius and Remus.

"Most of them are, but I hear that some are actually clean shaven. Mine is,shaven I mean, what about you guys?"

"Oh for the love of Merlin?" came Sirius voice as he banged his head onto the table.

"No answer, well maybe you can answer me this Remus my dear. Have you ever fucked Sirius up the ass, or did you take it up yours?"

I never did get an answer to that question.

I do remember Remus yelling out Sirius name, before everything went black.

Couldn't honestly tell you how long I was out for.

But when I did wake up, it was to have one very concerned, and one very guilty looking face staring down at me.

"What happened?"

"Sirius punch you and broke your nose."

"Sweet." I said as I tasted the blood. "Wait, shouldn't it hurt?"

Both of them looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, but I had been looking forward to the pain.

"I already fixed it for you, I was going to clean the blood off, but you woke." said Remus as he helped me up to my feet.

"Very well then, thanks for the fabulous breakfast, but I have a bed with my name on it, waiting for me."

"Harry, you aren't going any where." said Sirius, his voice soft.

"Not until you talk to us, really talk to us." finished Remus.

"There really isn't much to say, Sirius gave me a few lesson's on kissing. I told him that I was in love him. He told me I was a child and didn't know what love was. I tried to explain and kiss him again. He pushed me away. I went to my room, and discovered that love is a bitch and the only way to get passed it is to find something worth drowning yourself in." I said in calm not really bothered tone.

There was silence for awhile. Sirius from god knows what, and Remus from shock.

"Harry your his godson."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"It's lust, that's all." says Sirius in a whisper.

"Never known lust to drive a person to suicide..." I said with a thoughtful look.

"Harry are you suicidal?" asked Remus, a little to quickly for my taste.

"I went up against Voldy with little to no knowledge of how to defeat him, so you tell me."

"That's not the same." snapped Sirius.

"Isn't it?"

"No." they both shouted.

"Well then I don't know what to tell you." I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

"But you wouldn't do that would you?" asked Remus.

"I wouldn't normally do a lot of things." I said.

"Harry."

"Remus."

"Harry!"

"Sirius!"

"Merlins sake, Harry why are you acting like this?" asked Sirius.

"I'm a child, Siriboo, it's what we do." I said before turning to face Remus. "Can I go now?"

"You haven't eaten."

"Not really all that hungry."

"You haven't eaten in three days!"

"I'll eat later."

"I'll be here to make sure you do."

"Whatever."

"Promise me something Harry?"

"Depends on the promise."

"Promise me you wont ever do anything to hurt yourself."

I could have told him that that shit had already sailed, but the look in his eyes. In both theirs was enough to make me hold my tongue.

"I'll do you one better, I promise to never kill myself."

"Sounds good to me." said Remus with a sigh of relief.

"See you later Mooney." I said after giving him a big hug and heading up the stairs.

I would have given one to Sirius as well, but I just didn't trust myself not to try and sneak a kiss in.

I know.

I'm a monster.

And a crazy one at that.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Well sorry that its short and not all that great. But I promise to make the next one better.

Reviews and Advice is always welcomed.

Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Just this cute little bunny. *pinches bunnies cheeks*

**Jule: So boy's how are we feeling about this chapter?**

**Sirius: *bows head in shame***

**Harry: *holds pillow tightly trying to hide tears***

**Jule: *feeling bad* guess we should just start at it then.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

After the day Sirius had broken my nose, things had kind of gone to normal.

And when I say kind of, I really mean not really.

Remus had stayed till after my birthday, meaning I had no time at all to cut even if I had wanted to.

Which I really did want to.

All the bloody time now.

I was lucky enough to talk them out of throwing me a party.

I mean because, sure I could pretend everything was okay with just the two of them, but I don't think I could have hidden my mood from Hermione.

The girl could pick up on just about anything when it came to me, and I really didn't need her getting on my case.

Aside from that, why would you want to celebrate something you regret, even if it is ones own day of birth.

So instead we had gone out to dinner and called it a night, a very short night.

Happy 17th Birthday to me!

I tried my best to keep from cutting, even after Remus had left, but that didn't quite pan out.

Cause, after a week of no cutting, I lost it.

Because days like this one, always tended to push me over the edge.

Days like this when Sirius would avoid me completely, even if I hadn't said or did anything wrong.

So I cut.

I cut a lot.

And I cut deep.

Falling asleep only when my body found peace.

_**Start of Dream**_

_I was chained to a cold wall that appeared to much like those founds in dungeons for comfort. _

_The fact that I could feel said cold wall against every inch of my back side, confirmed that I was completely bare of clothes, and I can assure you I had no idea of how I ended up there. _

_It was dark, as only a dungeon can be, but the two torches on either side of what I now knew to be a cell, if the bared door was anything to go by, were enough to showcase any who might enter._

_Though a part of me was starting to panic. My Gryffindore genes were telling me to stay calm and think things through. Devise a plan of escape should an opening arise._

_My first thought was that perhaps Voldemort had come back (yet again) to seek revenge. _

_But why would he want me naked?_

_My second thought was that some crazy fan-girl had finally gotten her wish. _

_They were never beyond using such methods of kidnap if it served them the purpose of getting into my pants._

_Ever sense the final battle the year before, they had been relentless in their fan mail and one had even turned out to be a port key directed to some 13 year old girls bed chamber. _

_Scary that someone so young had been able to make one without anyone noticing._

_But like always, I was wrong in every aspect of my thoughts._

_Because Voldemort couldn't come back._

_And fan-girls could never be this cunning._

_No, this had one name written all over it._

_"S-Sirius." I choked out confused and embarrassed beyond belief._

_I hadn't heard him enter. Nor had I been paying much attention when he step into the light. But once I felt his hand caress the side of my face ever so gently I was on full alert._

_"My, my, little pup. What kind of trouble has befallen you this time?" He whispered into my ear, his hot breath warming my cold exposed neck sending shivers throughout my entire body._

_My breath was caught in my throat as I fought back a moan, because this couldn't be happening._

_I couldn't be naked, chained to a wall, vulnerable, in front of the man of my dreams, already harder than I had been in all my life._

_"You are so cute when you blush." came his voice again, though slightly muffled by my throat where his mouth hovered._

_"W-What are you doing Sirius?" I asked nervously as I felt his lips skim the base of my neck._

_"Isn't it obvious?" he chuckled with a hidden grin that I felt clear as day against my flesh._

_Every part of my body was on full alert, each nerve ending hyper aware of every touch placed upon it and even though he had barely touched me, it was almost to much._

_To much because I had waited so long to have him this close._

_"N-no Siri, it isn't." I whimpered._

_"Well my dearest Harry," he said as both hands moved along my side, down to my hips, which he gripped tightly. "I'm here to show you everything you're not allowed to have." he whispered, as a moan that I couldn't fight back escaped my lips. _

_Just that alone seemed to egg him on, taking full advantage of my gaped mouth and shoving his tongue in, bringing about the hottest kiss I have ever had._

_There was nothing gentle about the way he took control, sucking my tongue into his mouth, exploring the inside of mine with his tongue violently. Tasting me like a long desired dessert that had long ago been denied._

_For a moment I actually wondered if I did taste like a dessert, perhaps something even similar to his vanilla and apple spice._

_Moaning into the kiss, I tried to reach out and touch him, pull him tighter against me, but the chains held me in place, and all I could do was pray that he would soon set me free._

_When little to, no air remained in both our lungs, Sirius finally pulled away and began kissing along my chin, nibbling my ear ever so gently, before he continued his route down my neck._

_"Oh, god Siri, please let me touch you. I need to touch you." I whimpered as he sucked on a rather delicate part of my neck, marking me in the process._

_"Now, now, Harry, if I were to let you go, I wouldn't be doing much of a job showing you what you cant have, now would I?" he teased, this time scrapping his teeth over my right nipple._

_I let out a cry, and fought against the chains again, completely shocked that such a simple move could bring my body such pleasure._

_"Again." I begged, my back arching in need because chains be damned, if this was the only way I could have Sirius, so be it._

_"So eager my little pup is." he breathed on my nipple, making it pebble, before pinching it between his teeth and licking it with his tongue._

_Another scream tore its way out of my throat, and I was pretty sure I did some kind of damage to my head when I threw it back, but that was all pushed aside when he went from licking to sucking and back. _

_He took turns tormenting both my nipples, ripping cry after cry of pleasure from my lips before he began moving lower._

_"Sirius?" I whimpered with my eyes closed, slightly panicked because no one besides me had ever looked at or touched what he was working his way down towards._

_"Shh... relax my little pup." he said as he kissed each of my hip bones tenderly. "Trust me."_

_And I did._

_Merlin only knows how much I trusted him._

_"Look at me pup." He said as he placed a kiss on the tip of my aching cock, my head lulled back as I chocked back a scream. _

_"Look at me." he growled, his nails digging deeper into my hips._

_Crying out in a mix of pleasure and pain, I forced myself to look into his eyes, a look of determination burning back into mine._

_"You will not look away, pup, do you understand me?"_

_I nodded in response, but cried out a yes, when he dug his nails back into my hips._

_I was pretty sure I would have mean bruises by the time this little escapade reached its end. _

_Not that I very much cared._

_I was finally getting what I wanted._

_What I needed._

_"There's a good pup." he whispered with a grin that I would never forget._

_That was the last thing I heard him say before he licked the underside of my cock from base to tip and took me into his mouth with one long suck._

_If I had thought that the nipple stimulation had been hot, it was nothing compared to the feeling of being inside of Sirius's mouth. It was hot, slick, and so clearly made to take all of my length._

_"Sirius! Oh fuck, Sirius." became my chant as he bobbed his head, taking me in and out at different paces. Stopping ever so often to suckle on my balls, which felt tighter then they ever had._

_Fast._

_Slow. _

_Faster. _

_Slower._

_Almost to the point of stopping, which only made me cry out louder._

_It was true torture._

_And it was only made worse when he would hold my hips in place so that I couldn't buck into his mouth._

_When he wasn't mouth fucking my cock, he was twirling his tongue on the head, slipping it into the slit every now and again. _

_Drawing cry after cry from my weakening lungs._

_"Sirius, so...so close." I moaned out._

_I felt one hand leave my side, and his month leave my cock for all of a second, before his mouth came back, picking up speed as I felt one finger wiggling a little to close to my entrance._

_"Sirius?" I asked nervously in between moan, but I needn't have bothered._

_Because the minute his fingered entered me, I was screaming and cumming violently._

_**End of Dream**_

"SIRIUS." I screamed at the top of my lungs, my entire body shaking as my eyes popped open.

For the longest minute I didn't know what was happening, but when Sirius came charging into my room, half naked and barely awake, I could not control myself.

I completely ignored the rapidly drying wetness in my pants and charged at him, pinning him to the wall beside the door and forcing him down towards my waiting lips.

Though I feared he might push me away again, I took fool advantage that he still hadn't, perhaps still half asleep.

At first he didn't respond. His lips completely still against my own.

But that too changed easily, when I bit his bottom lip and shoved my tongue into his waiting mouth when he gasped in surprise.

He wasted no time after that.

Picking me up by my ass and turning us around so that I was now the one pinned to the wall, and taking full control of the kiss I had started.

It was nothing like the kiss we had shared in my dream.

It was better.

Real.

Real because I could taste him.

Real because I could touch him and he could touch me.

Real because at last it wasn't only my moans filling the air.

"Fuck, Sirius!" I gasped, when he finally let up for air and attacked my neck, as we grinded are hips against each other.

Sure getting my dick sucked by Sirius had been great in my dream.

But having his dick, grinding against my own, even with our boxers on, was so much better.

In between kissing, biting, and sucking, every reachable peace of flesh between us, as we continued our rapid grinding, I moaned and cried his name over and over again, while he confessed his love.

Confessed the love I had wished upon every night, but never received and clearly never would.

Because as we finally reached out climax, cumming together, I cried out Sirius, while he cried out... James.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> *Hides behind a tree* Umm... this is my first attempt at a sex scene, so um.. please be gentle. I promise to change anything you don't like, just private message me, kay?

Review and Advice is always welcomed.

Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... except the laptop this bad boy gets written on.**

**Jule: Sirius?**

**Sirius: *looks up with tears flowing freely***

**Jule: Sirius what's wrong?**

**Sirius: I'm so sorry, it was an accident.**

**Jule: What are you talking about, where's Harry?**

**Sirius: *starts crying harder*...**

**Jule: Okay, lets let everyone go on ahead while you tell me what happened...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

James.

I should have pushed away from Sirius the minute that name spilled from his lips.

I should have yelled.

I should have punched and kicked.

I should have cursed him to hell and back.

I should have done a lot of things, but this was Sirius.

Sirius who I loved with everything that I was.

So instead I could only cling to him, fighting back tears, till he finally came down from the little private heaven he had drifted off to... the one I was clearly not a part of.

"Harry." I found myself whispering into his ear for what felt like the hundredth time. "My name is Harry."

Everything most have came crashing back at him after that because not a minute later, I found myself alone and shaking on the floor.

"Harry? Oh for the love of Merlin...what...I...you...what the hell did we just do?" came his panicked voice.

Maybe I should have felt a little grateful that he had chosen to stick with "we" rather than"you", avoiding putting all the blame on me, but I wasn't.

I mean how the hell could I when I was trying to find the right words to say in order to answer his question...even though the answer was clear as day.

"D-do you really want me to answer that?" I asked in the softest most shaky voice to ever leave my lips.

"NO, for fucking sake, NO!" he yelled, as he began pacing my room, his hands buried in his hair.

I on the other hand, stayed on the floor like a frightened animal awaiting punishment.

Because only punishment of some kind could follow something like this.

But to be honest, what came next was something I never saw coming.

Or maybe I did...

"You...you need to leave Harry." he said as he finally turned to face me, his beautiful damn face once again blank of all emotion.

"W-what?" I choked out, as I struggled to breathe.

"You need to go. I cant do this. I cant deal with... with this...whatever the hell this is." he said and my world crashed for the last time. Because even though I had survived the unsurvivable multiple times, this was sure not to be one of them.

I looked at him then, tears falling freely at last as I searched for some sign in his eyes that this was not really what he wanted. That he was just mad and needed space to think before actually talking to me.

"Where would I go?" I finally asked in a small voice after five minutes or pure silence, my eyes glued to the blood dripping from my arms, calming me into a sense of numbness.

Odd that I don't remember them bleeding throughout whatever had just happened with me and Siri. Even more odd would be that Sirius was staring dead at me and still hadn't commented on it.

"You could go stay with Remus, or perhaps Ron?"

"For how long?" I asked this time my voice was as flat and dead as was possible for someone that was suppose to be alive.

"Till school starts."

"What about during the holidays?"

"Don't you normally stay at Hogwarts?"

My heart ached at the moment, but disappeared the minute I dug my fingers deep into one of the cuts that was still bleeding out.

"Even though you said you wanted me here for the holidays. To make up for all the others we missed. This would be our fist Christmas together."

"I can go visit you, I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't mind."

"And when I graduate?" I asked, though I could pretty much guess the answer to that one.

"You're old enough to be on your own, even now, wouldn't you and Ron want to rent a place of your own. You know do the whole bachelor pad thing up."

"What did you and my father have, Sirius?" I asked in a calm voice as I rose from the floor and looked him straight in the eyes, a warning clear as day written on my face that he better answer it.

"I don't need to explain my past to you." he snapped as he made a move to leave, but I was quick to grab his arm and hold him in place with a force I didn't know I had.

"Considering you are ridding me of your life all together, I at the very least deserve to know the truth."

"I'm not kicking you out of my life Harry." he said in a much softer voice.

"You can fool yourself into believing that, but not me." I snapped, anger finally taking form, when it really should have been there from the start. "Now answer me."

"I loved him and he loved me, you damn prat, I loved him and he got your blasted mother pregnant on a drunken night that I had detention because he and I had gotten into a stupid fight. He begged her to get rid of you, but she had always wanted him, and the trap was set. I was tossed aside and he married her out of duty in order to give you, his unborn son a name." he growled out in frustration.

Tossing his arm aside, I laughed a humorless laugh and grabbed my wand, so that I could be-spell my things to pack themselves, which really wasn't very much seeing as I was leaving behind everything he had ever bought for me. My emotions were running high, but only one came out a winner.

"So you most have hated me as a child, viewed me as nothing more than the "thing" that got in between you and your lover?"

Ignoring the shocked look on his face I walked over to my dresser to put on some of my old hand me down. "That's not true Harry, I love you."

"Love me?" I yelled. " You don't love me." I continued as I called forth the clothes and things he had bought for me tossing them all at his feet. "You love that I look just like your lost lover, Sirius! Tell me , was your next step to some how get me to change my eye color, because that most really kill you, having to look into her eyes, while looking at his face."

Opening the window with nothing but pure anger, I told Hedwig to just head on to school.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What you fucking told me to do." I yelled.

"You don't have to leave now, its the middle of the night and I haven't even told Remus you would be staying with him."

"And who, might I ask, told you that I would be staying with Remus?"

"I doubt Mrs. Weasly would like a surprise guest, even if it was you."

"Not going there either." I snapped, now fully annoyed with his false concern for me, as I shrunk my packed trunk, placing it in my pocket and headed out the door.

"Well, where are you going."

"Like you even need to know."

"I'm your guardian Harry, I need to know that you are going to be safe."

I had only just made it to the top of the stairs with him tailing me when he said that and I swear to Merlin I have never wanted to punch him as badly as I did in that moment.

"No, Sirius, you're not. You are not my guardian or my godfather, as I am no longer your ward or your godson. I am nothing to you. Congratulations, whatever dept you felt you owed my father is no longer necessary."

"What? Oh Merlin... no Harry you don't understand..."

"What is there to understand, dad most have been the best fuck you ever had, if you're still dreaming about it till this very day."

"Harry!"

"Oh... now he screams it."

"Harry James..."he started to yell again, his face now redder than all the Weaslys put together.

"Yeah, you're really used to screaming that name..." There was a punch to the face once more before I could finish, and then I could no longer feel the ground beneath me.

"Harry, nooo!" and the the look on Sirius face were the last things I heard and saw before everything went black.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Ummmm... I definitely have a lot to be sorry for... soooo let me start by saying sorry for the super long ass wait on this chapter. As well as sorry for the short length but I swear the next one will be longer. I hope. :) lol

Thank you all for your amazing reviews

And special thanks to Yaoi-Ojou-Sama for her motivational review which I got after I got out of the hospital lol. (Perfect timing) And strangely enough, even my mom who tried to help my plot bunny with this one.

Review and Advice is always welcomed.

Thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer: I don't own much, just the sad little plot bunny this story road in on.**

**Sirius: You okay Jule?**

**Jule: *sighs and cuddles further into bed* Yeah Sirius.**

**Sirius: You don't look it.**

**Jule: He's gone Siri, what am I suppose to do without him.**

**Remus: He isn't gone Jule, he is just taking his time.**

**Jule: You just don't understand. *covers her head with a pillow and cries***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

When I woke, I was alone and cold lying on the floor of what I assumed were woods. I tried to do a quick assessment of my body but I felt completely numb, my mind clouded with a kind of fog I had never felt before. I tried to remember what had happened, how I could have possibly ended up here, but nothing came forward. I only knew who I was and nothing else. Looking around I could see nothing but thick, dark trees surrounding the area, glowing in such an erie way due to the moon that appeared almost not existent.

I laid there for moment or two drawing in deep breathes, and listening to the beat of my heart. Reassurance that I wasn't dead, even when everything else around me from the trees, to the leafs both on the tree and on the ground, the shrubs, and even the dirt, felt dead. I couldn't tell you why everything felt as such. I can only tell you that it did and that the feeling alone was drenching me with a sense of anxiety I could not shake off.

It took me some time, but soon I was on my feet and walking. The need to get out of these woods was a strong one and something told me that if I didn't get a move on it I would never make it out of this hell.

* * *

><p>"How is he doing today?" asked Remus as he enter the hospital room.<p>

"Same as every other day." said Sirius in flat voice from a chair that was located on the right side of Harry's hospital bed.

It had been nearly a month sense Sirius had called Remus for help when Harry had "fallen" down the stairs. Both men at first had planned to nurse Harry in his room thinking the head wound was a minor one, but the moment they saw his cuts, it was clear that this might be out of their control. Remus and Sirius were both questioned about what had happened and where Remus had no answers, Sirius was unable to admit to himself or anyone else what had really happened. He didn't want to accept that he was the reason of Harry's self mutilation. He didn't want to admit that his godson was now in a magical comma because he had no self restraint. But most of all he didn't want to admit that he really had been trying to turn Harry into James. He couldn't accept that he was so fucked in the head that he had single handily destroyed the life of the one person he cared about most. Because even though he wanted Harry to look like James, he was more in love with the person Harry was than he had ever been with his father.

It was truly fucked up no matter from which angle you view it from, but until Harry woke. Until he came back to Sirius, he would never be able to tell him the truth. He would never be able to fix the mistakes he had made, or beg for forgiveness.

"Have faith Sirius, Harry is to strong not to make it through this." Remus said in his best reassuring voice as he took a seat on the left side of Harry's bed. Reaching out, he gently took Harry's hand into his and rubbed his thumb against it in a soothing manner.

"It's been a month Remus!" growled Sirius, his voice raising just the slightest bit, though he still did not move or look at him. He's eyes never left Harry's resting form. "It's not like he just came back from a batter he fought single handed, he fell down a bloody set of stairs. He should have woken up that very day. I mean fuck, even the doctors don't understand what is causing this." he continued.

"It wasn't just the fall and you know this Siri. He had a large amount of blood loss from all the blasted cuts. Not to mention he was always in his room, out of our sight doing Merlin knows what else. No on can really know what he was doing to himself. I just...I jus..." drifted of Remus as his throat became tight.

Remus wasn't a dumb man. He had sat witness to everything that was happening and should have done something about it before it had gotten this bad. But he had trusted his friend, his brother, to protect the closest thing he had to a son. Often he wondered what would have been had he fought Sirius for custody.

"You just what?" asked Sirius.

"I just feel like this is something you aren't telling me." he finished.

"I've ..." he started but stopped when he noticed Harry's hand twitch. "D-did you see that?" he asked Remus as he rose from his seat and moved closer to Harry.

"I- I felt it." said Remus as he to stood. Squeezing Harry's hand slightly with one hand, he ran his fingers through Harry's hair with his other as he leaned close to his ear. "Hey kiddo, can you hear me?" he said with a small smile. "You have to wake up, come on. Sirius is really worried about you. And you know he can get when he is worried. Guys worse than a momma bear searching for its cub." he teased.

"He did it again Rem, keep talking to him." urged Sirius as he grabbed Harry's free hand and placed a kiss on it. "Come on love, please come back."

This went on for an hour or so, both men taking turns talking to the person they each cherished in some special way trying to pull him back to reality. For a while it seemed like he was almost there, his eyes fighting to open, but it would never last long.

"This is a step forward." said Remus as he sat back in his chair, as he watched Sirius continue to talk to Harry.

But of course it was the minute Sirius turned away for the first time sense they had gotten to the hospital to look at Remus with a small smile, that Harry opens his eyes.

"S-Sirius?" comes Harry's voice for the first time in over a month, causing both men to jump in fright before turning to face him Remus nearly screaming for joy as he rushed to the bed, while Sirius sat frozen in his place.

"Oh god no..." whimpered Sirius as a single tear fell free, his eyes fixed on Harry's, though they weren't his. Because where there should have been bright emerald green eyes, the eyes he had been waiting to see since the beginning of this mess, now lay simple brown eyes.

Remus as first couldn't understand Sirius reaction, but when he too looked at Harry's face he couldn't help but ask... "James?"

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Well I know its been a very long time sense I have written anything, but I kept getting some very demanding reviews and felt I owed you something. I know this is not that greatest chapter ever, but there is so much I am leaving out in order to get this posted tonight. I have been super busy with school and a crazy amount of homework that I find time for nothing else. So please be patient with me, I will be redoing this chapter to get the full potential out of it when finals are over and I already have a plan for the 9th chapter so the wait wont be as long.

Review and Advice is always welcomed.

Thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

**When Love Fails**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot bunny who is actually a little on the lost side of the world.**

**Sirius: Why didn't you warn us?**

**Jule: How could I when I myself wasn't sure what would happen.**

**Remus: Will we ever get him back?**

**Jule: I honestly don't know.**

**Sirius: How the bloody hell can you not know? Your the psycho writing this bloody story. *he yells***

**Jule: *cringes but holds her ground with a glare* The story might be mine, but its only the plot that I control. Everything else is up to you. I'm not God or Merlin if you haven't already realized. Change your way and maybe the outcome will change with it.**

**Remus: She had a point Siri.**

**Sirius: Whatever, just get on with it then.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

As I walked along the tree crowded woods, I searched for some sign that I was headed in a direction that would lead towards civilization. But, with the lack of light (aside from the strange one provided from the moon), and lack noise (because the woods were eerily silent), rose a feeling of dread that almost willed me to give up.

I was completely, well, and truly lost. No matter the direction I turned, no matter for how long I walked, I would never make it out.

Still, even with feeling over riding any and all emotions, I walked.

Couldn't really tell you how long I walked for though. The moon never moved, and the sun never rose, which left me with no sense of time. The only thing I could say was that the longer I walked, the more the numbness set in, and the heavier each step became.

Still, something inside me told me to keep walking. Keep walking, because if I stopped, that would be it.

I would reach the end of a tale I could, for the life of me, not remember the beginning or middle of.

It would simply end.

* * *

><p>"Oh God, James, is it really you." asked Remus in as calm of a voice as he could master from the foot of the bed.<p>

"Yes Moony, it's me." responded James, though it was Harry's voice that filled the room.

"What are you doing here? How... how are you here?" asked Sirius as he fought to keep his voice an octave lower than a scream.

"I- I don't really know Padfoot." Started James as he sat up in an effort to stretch the stiffened muscles of his son's body, which moved him closer to Sirius in the process who was now sitting on the bed bedside him. "I was looking for Harry. He was screaming and begging..." he paused for a moment, not wanting to think about what his son had begged for.

He didn't want to believe that something, someone, could push his son to wish for such an act. So he didn't say it. Instead he looked at Sirius and sighed. "I...I couldn't find him. He is so deep in sorrow I was not sure anyone or anything could pull him back in time. So, I did the only thing I could think of."

"You took your son's body." Chimed in Remus.

"Yes." said James though it was Sirius he was looking at. "If I hadn't taken his place, hadn't possessed him, his mind would have died. All that would have remained would have been an empty shell. So much time would have passed that even if he had found his way back, there would be nothing for him to return to."

"Fuck." said Remus, who hardly ever swore.

"This can't be happening." Whispered Sirius, but look at no one.

"What happened?" asked James.

"He-he fell down the stairs." Sirius said, voice sounding as haunted as he felt.

At this point Remus lost it.

He couldn't take Sirius hiding information that might very well save Harry's life, just so that he could protect his own sanity. "Cut the shit Sirius, I've had just about enough of your bullshit! You and I both know Harry was in love with you. He bloody well told you and you pushed him away. My only question is, how much pushing away did you actually do?!" growled Remus, his eyes flashing gold.

James looked utterly shocked. As a dead man, he could easily keep an eye on his loved ones, and he often did, but since Voldemort's death he thought he could finally rest. Go some time without noising in on his son's life. It was a sad thing to admit, but at the moment he was beginning to fear that his son would never truly be safe from anyone or anything.

"What did you do Sirius? What did you do to my son?" Yelled James as he glared at the man in question. The room fell silent as both men angrily awaited a reply from Sirius.

It took a few minutes for Sirius to gather his strength, but when he did he told them the truth.

"I told him about us." He sighed, then went on to explain all the events leading to Harry's fall, leaving nothing out. As he told the tale, it took everything Remus had not to allow his wolf forward to avenge his wounded pup.

James on the other hand simply fell back against the pillows and blinked.

"I had no other choice James, you have to believe me. I love him, but,... but he is just a child ... and your son. I knew no other way to make him back down. He can be so damned stubborn sometimes." Continued Sirius, almost smiling about just how stubborn Harry could be when there was something he wanted. "He has such a sharp tongue on him, and knew just what to say to push me over the edge."

"Than you should have let me take him home. At least he would have been safe there." growled Remus finally letting his feelings known.

"He wouldn't have gone." snapped Sirius. His own anger now getting the best of him.

"Enough!" yelled James, which sounded odd coming from Harry's usually gentle voice.

"At this very moment I do not care about what should have been, or what shouldn't have been done. What matters now is that Harry is lost to us and very much begging for death."

The admission of Harry's state of mind made both Sirius and Remus whimper in pain and neither man dared say a word as James continued.

"You both will need to work together when Harry comes back, because come back he will. I will not allow my son to perish over a simple miss understanding."

"Misunderstanding?" asked both Remus and Sirius at the same time, their eyes snapping to those of James.

"Yes, because you Sirius are an idiot. Your love for Harry is much truer and stronger than anything you felt for me. What we had was child's play. But you and Harry, you both complete a part of each other that neither one of you will ever admit is missing. I saw the spark the first time you two finally met. I wasn't at all pleased by it, but I knew it was only for the best. This love is something that could be powerful and unbreakable given the chance to grow. You need to give yourselves that chance to be happy. You two have suffered like no one else. You deserve this. You and him together." he goes on to finish with a smile.

"And you Remus," says James as he turns to face the man. "You are the father I never could have been to Harry. You are the one he looks up to, who he never wants to disappoint. You both need to team up and help him through this."

"We will." Said both Sirius and Remus in unison.

"Good. Now, I will work on bringing Harry back. But to do so, I need to go and return every few hours in order to keep his mind stable. When he does return you both better do everything in your power to keep him safe and happy, because if you don't, I promise to make your lives a pure living hell.

"But how will you bring him back?" asked Sirius.

"I'll show him the way back. He is simply lost and in need of a guide. Now you two go, I am going to need some time alone in order to do this."

Sirius and Remus looked like they wanted to say something against leaving, but thought better of it when James gave them a look that left no room for an argument .

* * *

><p>What James had hoped would take no more than 1 to 2 days, tops, ended up taking almost a week.<p>

Each morning Remus would enter the room, where Sirius never left unless told to, then they would talk about what James had felt during his search. Which was usually nothing, and was a bad sign according to James.

"I should be able to feel him. Feel his emotions, hear his thoughts. The fact that I can't..." he drifts off. They all knew what he was about to say without saying it.

"He's not gone." argued Sirius, though it was more to himself. "You have to find him James." he begged.

"I won't give up, Sirius. He's my son. I won't ever give up on him."

Another four days past before James had any luck in his search.

He had been walking around in the woods for about an hour when he came across a limp form on the ground. At first glance it could have been confused for a dead animal, but after searching the woods as he had and never once seeing an animal, informed James that it could only be Harry.

"Harry!" he called out, voice cracking with concern as he ran to his son's side and picking him up. Harry was light and so cold that James thought he hadn't made it in time. Tears rose and spilled as the pain of losing his son over took him. He screamed and cried against Harry's neck and nearly missed the soft whimper. But he heard it.

"Harry?" he cried as he looked into his son's green eyes. Eye's that where faded to an almost pale white.

"W-who are you?" Came his son's weak voice in a low whisper.

James cried again and wanted to tell his son everything, help him a bit before sending him back. He didn't want to put this burden on Sirius and Remus without a warning, but there was no time left.

So he quickly willed all his energy into his son and push him away from the woods.

Away from the darkness and towards a set of golden doors that would lead to Harry's body and mind.

"Please help him." He begged as he fell to the ground and disappeared.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Fear can hold you back. But, when you have someone kind enough to motivate you, anything and everything is possible. So with that being said I would like to dedicate this chapter to **BrandyGold**, who emailed me at 1am questioning my reasons behind the lack of an update and gave me the motivation I needed to over come my fear. Thank again Brandy, you are a life saver. I also want to thank everyone for each review posted, they mean the world to me ^.^ !

Reviews and Advice is always welcomed.

Thanks!


End file.
